Sunny, bright and colorful, but only on the outside

Tuesday morning. Sitting at work. The air is freezing. Im freezing. I went outside to have a cigarette. The sunlight was painting the corridor yellow. Outside the sky was clear and blue. Its a beautiful morning, but it can never be truely beautiful when you have to turn away from the yellow light and face the scary darkness that is hiding behind the doors. Is it me? Am I the darkness behind the doors. Is all the light and colors on the outside of me? I feel a war coming,
Im not ready.

I look outside and see that everything is perfect, except for me...