Gone, again. Happens to often now. Want to get up, get my head over the water. I try to do my best, I feel Im doing good. But then I crash back down. I do everything for them. I work for several people. when Im not there, nothing gets done. I cry in my breaks. I need to be alone, some place no one can find me. Invisible.
My inspiration is gone, the reason for me to get out of bed in the morning. He is gone, but he will never let me go.
I have more friends. Always someone to talk to. But I dont feel they are interested, its new people, people who doesnt know me yet. They will get sick of me soon enough. Happenes every time. I dont blame them, Im grumpy or hysterical, sad or happy, angry or kind, up and down.
Looking forward to have the party. Decorate, shop, do my hair and make-up. Hope the smile will be a true one, all night long. Sick of pretending. Sick of pleasing everyone without getting anything back. Sick of hurting, sick of being hurt.
Shes verything thing to me...
Friday, 30 October 2009
Monday, 19 October 2009
Ready - Set - Gone
Stop touching me, stop talking to me, stop caring about me. But you will never do that will you? When you can't stop I have to make you stop. But how? I'm jumping back to the only solution I know. I want to disappear, never to be found. I can see the place; it's dark, far into the woods. Tall dark trees is surronding the area. In the middle, a deep black lake. That is my final destination.
My dress is white. This is the only thing I am wearing, exept for the necklace, the golden necklace with a ring and a cross. My body is cut, partely from the walk where the trees and the bushes got hold of me, and partely by the knife now lying in my white cold, hand. An empty bottle lies close by next to packets that used to contain pills.
Invisible, just a shadow of myself. Don't want to be seen, don't want to be heard. Scared to love, I will get hurt. Scared of being loved, I will hurt someone else.
I want him, I don't want him, but I don't know who he or the other one is.
Just a shadow passing through if I was invisible.
My dress is white. This is the only thing I am wearing, exept for the necklace, the golden necklace with a ring and a cross. My body is cut, partely from the walk where the trees and the bushes got hold of me, and partely by the knife now lying in my white cold, hand. An empty bottle lies close by next to packets that used to contain pills.
Invisible, just a shadow of myself. Don't want to be seen, don't want to be heard. Scared to love, I will get hurt. Scared of being loved, I will hurt someone else.
I want him, I don't want him, but I don't know who he or the other one is.
Just a shadow passing through if I was invisible.
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