The girl inside

I always wonder how people see me, and why they see me the way they do. Why are guys only interested when they are drunk? Why, out of ten girls am I the one who get hit on the arse by the passing guy on a bike? Why do they think they can get whatever they want from me? What signals am I really giving out? I tried to ask my friends. They say I put myself in these situations, but I don’t understand how. I’m not doing anything. I wish people could see the Siri that I see. I wish that I could be the real Siri when I’m with others. But maybe that’s the thing. Maybe I’m one person when I’m alone and another person when I’m with others.

I have a secret. I am living in two worlds. I am living in reality with all of you. But I also have a fantasy world. All of you are there as well, but in this world I decide what will happen. I go to my other world several times a day. For example when I’m alone in reality I’m always with someone in my fantasy world. Sometimes I’m with one other, sometimes with many. Sometimes something new happens, something I want to happen. Sometimes I go through the future, if something special will happen in the real world, like a party, I always go through it in the fantasy world first. But sometimes I change the past. I go through an episode that happened in reality and I change it the way I want. But my fantasy world isn’t always great. I have sorrows and pains there as well. The difficult thing is to balance these two worlds. Sometimes my fantasy world takes over reality. I forget what is real and what is fantasy, especially when I’ve changed a real story. But still, after 12 years in my fantasy world, without it I would not exist. Just take a look at the girl inside.